Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
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why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
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At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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