I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
