Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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