He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
