Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
