You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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