K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize