I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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