Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
