he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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