The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
