the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
