And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
