I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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