I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
