Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize