...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
