OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's shark week go big or go home
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
