so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
