Tell her she can't have a vagina
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
