I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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