youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Alive.
So much puke
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
