woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
well most of my day revolves around power hour
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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