ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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