Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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