seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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