just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
