My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
