Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
