it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
