Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
