Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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