I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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