All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
