piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
