I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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