I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
