Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
