moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
