new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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