DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
zippers are such a cool invention
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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