So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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