before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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