I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
When did angry sex become our thing?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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