yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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