Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
