Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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