I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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