I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize