If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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