it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
