Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
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Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
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he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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