i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
