What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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