He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
