He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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